


Falls, Everything Falls

by nobuyukai (space_in_between)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort/Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Crush, don't be fooled by the tags it's not that heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_in_between/pseuds/nobuyukai
Summary: Kenji watches as Chikara falls, but Ryuu isn’t there to catch him.





	

The first call comes on early spring, just right after Chikara finished moving his things to his new apartment next to Kenji. Kenji watches excitement bubbling up Chikara’s face only to see his face falls a moment later, like someone has poked the flying emotion bubble and it burst.

_“Chikara, I’m getting married! Kanoka-chan said yes!”_

Kenji almost drops the cardboard he’s holding hearing that. It’s supposed to be a happy news, what’s more exciting than the news of your best friend getting married to his secret crush for years, who happened to be childhood friends? But Kenji is well aware happy isn’t how Chikara really feels -- not when Ryuu is Chikara’s own secret crush for twelve years and Ryuu doesn’t have any idea about that.

Still, Kenji knows Chikara will appear happy and supportive for his best friend, no matter how hurt he gets by acting so. Chikara is far too gone to care about himself since long time ago, anyway.

“That’s great, Ryuu. I’m really happy for you,” Chikara twists the hem of his sweater to hold back the tears brimming on the corner of his eyes. “Sure, I’ll be glad to help. I’ll contact you again later, okay? Yeah, okay, see you there. Send my greeting to your parents and Kanoka-san.”

Chikara sighs when he puts down the phone. Kenji puts the cardboard on top of a pile of the same thing and walks toward him, sitting on the kitchen counter to look at the other guy.

“What does he want?” he asks firmly.

Chikara blinks so his tears go away, but Kenji sees it first. Chikara has always been a bad liar. “He wants me to help him preparing the wedding. It’s still two months away, and we all know how clumsy and unorganized Ryuu is. I can’t say no to his request this time.”

“You’d never said no to every single one of his request,” Kenji lets out an exasperated sigh. “It’s been twelve years, Chikara. Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want to stop playing the best friend when you’re the one getting hurt here?”

Chikara shakes his head. “This is probably the last time I could see his face.”

Kenji closes his eyes to calm down his temper. “Is this fair for you? You always give him everything he could never return. You’re killing yourself like this for _twelve fucking years_ , do you think I could just sit here and watch?”

“Sorry, Kenji, I--” Chikara bites his lower lip so a sob won’t slip off. “I need some time to be alone. Bring the key with you when you leave.” The black haired guy turns away and slowly closes the door of his room. Kenji can hear the lock clicked from inside, meaning Chikara doesn’t want anyone to disturb.

He’s probably crying again, like how it has always been, and the next second he’s back being the happiest person for Ryuu, that oblivious bastard. Kenji would’ve punched him in the face and broke his nose if it wasn’t for Chikara’s endless plead to pretend not to know anything. And as someone who’s seen the worst part of Chikara for over than ten years, Kenji is tired. He had tried to leave Chikara’s side numerous times, but then again maybe he and Chikara are the same. Kenji would always come back to hold Chikara in his arms when he’s pouring his heart out tearfully about someone who’d never look his way.

Because at the end, Kenji and Chikara share the same situation.

  
  


 

 

Two weeks later, Ryuu wants to meet Chikara to discuss about the wedding concept and he looks genuinely surprised to see Kenji tag along.

“Oh, aren’t you Futakuchi-kun? Datekou’s former volleyball team captain?” Ryuu asks and offers him a hand, Kenji supposes he doesn’t mind at the third party’s presence. “I don’t know you and Chikara still stay in touch after all these years.”

“Yep, I was Chikara’s biggest rival when he was Karasuno’s captain,” Kenji accepts the handshake offer easily. “This person doesn’t know how to drive, and he’s been too tired lately to take public transportation alone so I decided to give him a ride. I hope you’re okay with that.”

“Sure, the more the merrier.” Ryuu claps enthusiastically. “Let’s find a place to eat first. Kanoka will join us later, and she hasn’t eaten anything today so I’d like to order her something before we start the meeting. You guys can eat as well, it’s on me today.”

“Sounds great,” Kenji smiles and turns around at Chikara, his pale face looks even paler and he keeps his head down to hide that. “Hey, you okay?” he whispers so Ryuu won’t hear that.

Chikara immediately nods, and it’s a lie. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? We can cancel this if you’re not feeling well,” Kenji shakes Chikara’s shoulder gently. “Chikara? Hey, answer me. Ryuu is gonna be suspicious at us if you’re acting this way.”

Chikara squeezes Kenji’s hand on his side, shaking his head. “I’m okay. It’s just- I’m surprised that we’ll meet the bride this soon, I thought I was going to meet Ryuu alone today.”

“See? It’s a good thing I came along, at least someone could drag your ass back home when you passed out in front of that guy and his fiancee.”

Chikara forces out a smile. “Thanks, Kenji.”

“Let’s go,” Kenji offers him his arm and hooks Chikara’s arm on it when the latter just stares at him, confused. “I’m here, Chikara. You’re going to be okay. If you’re strong enough to maintain your feeling for Ryuu for twelve years, this meeting with him is just a piece of cake. But if you can’t take it anymore, tell me. We’re going straight home.”

Chikara nods and squeezes Kenji’s arm in confirmation. Kenji sighs to himself; maybe he’s actually one of the reasons why the last twelve years was hell for Chikara, but he didn’t want to admit and Chikara was blinded by Ryuu.

Both of them were lying to themselves, but at least Kenji was a pretty good liar.

  


 

 

Amanai Kanoka is a tall, pretty and charming girl-turned-woman, and Kenji doesn’t seem to notice a single flaw on her. He met her several times in volleyball tournaments during his active years as a player, but never talked to her personally. He couldn’t lie he was surprised when Chikara told him Ryuu was dating her, because they all knew Ryuu was always chasing on his senior at high school, Shimizu-san, his team’s manager.

But well, fate is always funny, isn’t it?

Ryuu is obviously in love with her and she returns his feeling with the exact amount if not more, it’s oddly cute how they bashfully stealing glances when the other isn’t looking like a high-schooler at this age. Kenji’s mouth itches to tease them, but he remembers Chikara is sitting beside him and the sight before him is absolutely something he doesn’t want to see.

Chikara may be a bad liar, but his acting is good. Whenever Ryuu and his fiancee do something so couple-y, he keeps his head low for a while, taking several deep breaths before looking up and smiles like it’s nothing. Ryuu and Kanoka don’t even batting an eye, but Kenji _knows_ so well and it’s nauseating to see Chikara keeps pretending.

The meeting is wrapped around two hours later, while the final concept of the wedding is still under discussion of the family of the groom and bride even though both Kanoka and Ryuu agree to Chikara’s suggestion. Chikara gives them idea for most things: the wedding hall decoration, the ceremony, the cake, the gown and suit, the concept, _everything_.

“We’re really thankful for everything you’ve done, Ennoshita-kun,” Kanoka says earnestly. “Ryuu doesn’t want to hire a wedding organizer before he meets you, and now I see the reason why.”

“Chikara is an important person for me, of course I’d take everything he said into consideration. And he’s brilliant, isn’t he?” Ryuu sneaks an arm around Kanoka’s waist. “Now excuse me, Kanoka and I have to leave now due to another appointment. It’s the wedding invitation, Kanoka can’t wait to pick them up from the printing shop and give them to you.”

“Ennoshita-kun and Futakuchi-kun are the first ones invited!” the woman says happily. “I know the wedding is still far away, but I can’t help but feeling excited at every detail of preparation. Make sure both of you come, or I’ll never forgive you.”

“We will,” Kenji says in the place of Chikara’s, one hand squeezing Chikara’s fingers behind his back. Kenji knows Chikara won’t be able to find his voice to reply at this moment. “Save two seats for Chikara and me. I hope everything goes well until the day comes, Tanaka-kun, Amanai-san.”

“I told to just call me Kanoka, I feel like you’re talking to my dad if you call me Amanai,” Kanoka pouts. Kenji smiles and flashes her a thumb up. “It’s nice to meet you guys here, and as much as I want to stay, the printing shop is going to close soon so we need to hurry.”

“True,” Ryuu nods after glancing at his watch. “Chikara, I’m going to need your help again anytime soon. This sounds a bit selfish, but can you free your schedule for me this week?”

Kenji is ready to answer -- again -- but Chikara holds him down before he can let out a word. “I don’t have anything to do this week, so it’s good on me. Just call me whenever, okay?”

“Okay,” Ryuu beams. “Thank you so much, Chikara. You’re really my super best friend. See you guys later!”

 

And after Ryuu and Kanoka disappear into the crowd, Kenji throws a punch at Chikara’s face.

  
  


 

 

“I get it that you’re annoyed at me, but is breaking my jaw necessary?”

Kenji grimaces as he puts on ice cubes on Chikara’s swollen face. “Sorry, I acted out of reflex.”

Chikara hisses when the cold bites on his aching skin. “Do you hate me that much, Kenji?”

Kenji snorts, pressing the cubes harder until Chikara yells in surrender. “I don’t hate you, you dumb and pity ass. But I hate that you still can’t get over your feeling for Ryuu no matter how destructive it gets over time, I hate that you choose to keep hurting yourself than to man up and tell Ryuu how you feel. Ryuu is an oblivious bastard, and I thought the way he looked at his soon to be wife was enough to make you realize that he’s never going to be yours.”

Realizing how sharp his words sound and Chikara’s reply doesn’t come, Kenji sighs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel even worse.”

“No, you’re right,” Chikara closes his eyes and leans his head to the couch’s armrest and Kenji can see a single tear rolling down his cheek. Kenji hates how weak Chikara is when it comes to Ryuu, Ryuu, Ryuu. “But what is going to change even if Ryuu knows I’ve loved him for twelve years? I’m afraid he’s going to hate me, I’m afraid my confession will ruin our friendship when he’s only one step from getting out of my reach. He’s leaving me, Kenji, sooner or later. I thought I would be fine to let him go like this.”

“Chikara…” Kenji slides and presses his head on Chikara’s chest from his sitting on the floor position. Chikara places a hand on Kenji’s head, patting it softly. Kenji shifts and loops an arm around Chikara’s slim waist to pull him closer.

“Kenji, why are we even friends?”

Kenji chuckles at the sudden question. “I don’t know. Maybe because I was too kind and I didn’t have a heart to let you cry alone in the middle of the night when I realized you’d experienced unrequited love for your best friend for years.”

“Your intuition was scary. No one in my class even realized I had feeling for Ryuu in my three years high school period.”

Kenji smiles, even though Chikara can’t see it. “I care about you in a way your friends don’t, so maybe that’s why? Anyway, your crush was not subtle at all and that Ryuu person must be as hard as a brick. What high school crush went unnoticed for twelve years?”

Chikara groans, “Stop it. You make me sound really miserable.”

“You _are_.”

“At least pretend I’m not.”

Kenji lifts his head and rests his chin on Chikara’s rib. “You want me to pretend like you’re okay when you’re like _this_? I’m your friend, Chikara. I want to help. And pretending like you can solve all your problems alone doesn’t count.”

Chikara doesn’t answer and the topic is closed for the rest of the day.

  
  


 

 

Ryuu called again a few days later, asking Chikara’s help to choose his wedding ring.

“Has he gone insane?! How could he ask you, of all people, to go with him to buy his wedding ring?!”

“Kenji, calm down. I agreed to him so it doesn’t matter now.”

Kenji narrows his eyes in disbelief. “Chikara, I’ve always tried my best not to insult you about this matter because I didn’t want to hurt you, but this time I just can’t accept it. You’re a fucking fool, do you know that? And I know you’re never once trying to get over your feeling for Ryuu just so you can stay beside him even if it kills you! I know you love him so much, but can you set a border now? Ryuu is going to get married!”

“That’s the more reason for me not to refuse his request,” Chikara replies dryly. “I told you he’s leaving sooner or later. One day I would wake up in a world where Ryuu is someone’s husband and I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way anymore. And when the day comes, I won’t be able to do anything! That’s why, let me do anything- anything I could for the time being…”

Kenji can’t believe Chikara actually says _that_ , but he doesn’t argue. Kenji had witnessed the many times Chikara fell and Ryuu wasn’t there to catch him. Kenji had seen the silent tears rolled down Chikara’s cheek when everybody was busy. Kenji had loved Chikara long enough to see the raw strands of emotion from the deepest point of his life -- and he knew full well those emotions were meant for Ryuu, but Ryuu had never looked at him even once.

Kenji pulls Chikara into a hug and presses soft kisses on the top of his head.

“Fine, I’ll take you there. But promise me you won’t get hurt this time. Please.”

 

The promise breaks the moment Kenji drops Chikara at the place he and Ryuu agreed to meet before. Kenji knows it’s going to happen; but he just waves Chikara goodbye and tells him to text when he’s done so Kenji can pick him up. He doesn’t say anything about Ryuu or the ring.

 

(Chikara is a crying mess the moment Kenji meets him again. Kenji stops the car, pulls him into his arms, and lets him cry his heart out without asking why. Kenji knows, anyway. And he feels guilty he isn’t able to stop Chikara from getting hurt, even after staying with him for twelve years.

Chikara grips on Kenji’s shoulder and his tears soak through Kenji’s shirt, the sound of his miserable sobs covering the sound coming from Kenji’s cracking heart.

“Let him go, Chikara. Please. I beg you. I can’t see you like this any longer…”

Chikara answers with a broken sob and hugs Kenji tighter.

Kenji returns the embrace and lets the silent remain.)

  
  


 

 

Ryuu and Kanoka come over when Kenji stays at Chikara’s place, the timing is just _too_ perfect and Kenji happens to open the door for them. Ryuu smiles wide, doesn’t find it peculiar to see Kenji -- who is a mere friend -- in Chikara’s personal space.

Kanoka is, apparently, sharper than her fiance.

“Futakuchi-kun, are you staying over at Ennoshita-kun’s?”

Kenji gives them a small smile, “Well, how did you know?”

“Your clothes are too comfy for someone who just pays a visit,” Kanoka says, chuckling.

“I live next to this door, actually. It’s just sort of a habit to come here wearing casual clothes and eventually staying over,” Kenji glances at Ryuu then gives Kanoka his best smile. “Kenji is inside preparing for some snack. Come on in, I’ll tell him you guys are coming.”

 

Kanoka hands out the wedding invitation for Kenji and Chikara, letting them know that both her and Ryuu’s family are happy with Chikara’s ideas and decide to go with most of his suggestions. The more surprising news follow then: Ryuu wants Chikara to be his groomsman.

“I’m sorry it’s so sudden, but can you do it for me?”

“Wait, I’m-” Chikara glances at Kenji who’s unmoving on his seat, “but why me? I mean, of course it’s a good thing, but I don’t see why it’s necessary to choose me.”

“I want to share the happiness on my wedding with my best friend, and you’ve done so much for us, I think it’s only fair if we repay you this way. Can you do it, Chikara?”

No, Chikara can’t do it, because staying with Ryuu on the whole event will just hurt Chikara even more and Chikara has had _enough_. And Kenji won’t let him do that for everyone’s sake, because Kenji also has had enough of seeing Chikara’s miserable form whenever they talk about Ryuu. Kenji waits and waits, but Chikara never seems to notice his mistake and even if he isn’t going to return Kenji’s feeling, he wants Chikara to at least be happy for himself.

“I’m afraid you can’t do that, Tanaka-kun,” Kenji speaks up, stopping Chikara from saying anything. “I and Chikara agreed to go together to your wedding, and since I barely know anyone on your guest list, Chikara will be the only person I can talk to. Chikara has done a lot of things for your wedding preparation, I hope you can leave this one out.”

Ryuu looks taken aback but he can’t argue after even Kanoka agrees with him.

“That’s true, Ryuu-chan. It’s impolite to invite them both and take one of them as your groomsman, that means the invitation will only valid for one person.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Ryuu shrugs. “But I guess I really did ask too much. See you at the wedding, Chikara, Futakuchi-kun.”

 

 

(“Are you happy?” Kenji hears Chikara asks Ryuu when he escorts the guests to the door.

“I’m really happy,” answers Ryuu, and Kenji imagines his wide goofy smile showing and his eyes are alive in the way Chikara can’t ever bring up to this level. “I thought I was the happiest when Kanoka accepted my proposal, but it was nothing compared to... these days. I’m sure the wedding day is going to be the best and happiest day in my life.”

Kenji isn’t surprised to see Chikara cries in the living room later, and he offers himself to be the source of comfort like he always did for the past twelve years. Chikara needs time, Kenji tells himself. There will be a time when the worth of waiting for all these years pay off. He just needs to bear it for a little bit longer.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.”

Chikara clutches on his shirt tighter and Kenji pulls him even closer.)

  
  


 

 

Ryuu pulls Chikara into a warm embrace on the day of his wedding, thanking him for everything he’s done and apologizing for not always being a good friend -- unlike Chikara for him. Ryuu tells him he’s so, so, _so_ happy, and now Chikara can stop worrying about small details like who wakes Ryuu up in the morning or what he wants to be in his lunch box today.

“Kanoka will take over the task from now on,” Ryuu says, laughing. “Thank you, Chikara. You’ll always be my best friend. Now is your turn to be happy.”

Chikara nods and pats his friend’s back gently. “I will,” he promises, voice breaking but Ryuu is far too happy to notice the lie.

Kenji wants to mock the sincerity, but he decides not to. He sees Ryuu and Chikara exchange the genuine gesture between friends, and right there he can see Chikara’s yearn for Ryuu burns in every single part of his body.

His heart may break, but it doesn’t break as hard as Chikara’s right now.

He silently watches once again how Chikara falls, but Ryuu isn’t there to catch him.

**Author's Note:**

> one day i'll write a well written, tear-jerking angst fic. today is not the day.


End file.
